Drug Retrospective

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I am not able to keep my hands off drugs. No matter how hard I try, some guy turns up, convinces me it is the right time for a drink, which is awkwardly legal, either because the world, the guy or the place is fucked up and as soon as I have had a couple of beer I cant help but crave for more. It’s like my brain is on a constant loop chanting Why? M C K!. Drugs are my fetish. And they’re one of the realest there is. Instead of doing sports to look and work better, or to eat healthy, or worse even drink diet coke and eat chocolate laxatives, drugs are Real. They kill your body, memory, libido, societal ties and even render you a criminal. All that for pure enjoyment in the form of powder, pills, blotters or smokes. I have always wondered, why it is considered not only sanctionable, but even morally repugnant to ingest good feelings. Maybe because it is considered cheating. “We all have to work hard for our feelings, so should you” is the implicit accusation of drug policy. Well maybe I would, and I just found a job vacancy titled “literary chronist of our time”, so I will give it a try. Apart from that, I don’t see, why I am needed anywhere else. I don’t approve of the status quo of the world, maybe not even that of the galaxy, so I feel no obligation to contribute. And even if all were just and fair it seems to be totally self-sufficient. It works perfectly without me. Well what if everyone behaved like you, you might ask. Well they don’t. Conjuring up hypothetical scenarios to draw misplaced analogies from is an even more insufferable fallacy. What people don’t get is, that reality is very difficult to compress. Even if you think you have found a pattern in some place on some level, you can’t just transpose/fix it on everything else. Just because fractals exist and are beautiful and amazing doesn’t mean everything is one. And even if so, there would be different parts of it, that are not alike, unlike men. In what way, you might ask, but then I’d assume you were Eliza and I wouldn’t take you seriously but steel feel comfortable.

Comfort is normally obtained through juissance, which is a shitty term as it can easily be associated with ejaculation. There you go: It is defined as a social construct by which enjoyment is achieved. Broadly speaking they are behavioral patterns, meaning you invest effort to attain a goal and miss it, that are learned by communication and adaption. Most of them today are mediated through society, meaning you have to work to afford it. In some cases it is even work itself.

Do you begin to see the predicament I’m in? As I mentioned above I reject the powers that be. But they structure juissance. Yes I admit: This is my lame ass excuse for taking drugs.

It is only later that you realize where you erred. Stuart Brand already told you in The Net, but as always, you needed to find out for yourself. How do we know, that if we boil rocks and drink the water, it wont make strong? And that it is try any damn thing. And some of them were pretty interesting. For example injecting Ketamine. About a minute or two after injecting you start to feel that something immense is going to happen. Are you going to die? Will your soul travel in space? Your body starts to feel like you dipped your finger into the silvery, gluey liquid in the mirror and soon enough you get ejected from base reality and start to fall, which can be pretty uneasy until you realize you are flying. But sometimes there are glitches, maybe your cocoon is made up of an infinite amount of tiny cubes that fit perfectly to your body that is comprised of the same forms/substance. But they didn’t align correclty and so the traction makes a mess out of your connection while accelerating. When this happens you start to wonder: didn’t I let go thoroughly enough? Does the netherworld start to reject me? And if so why? Did I go off course? Are they capitalists? Mostly it feels as if the splits and unresolved issues that pertain in base reality perpetuate themselves in heaven as in hell. There too they fight for multidimensional complex quality instead of linear quantity.

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